Ghosted in the City: When Silence Speaks Louder Than Sex
Published: August 22, 2025 • ~7 min read
TL;DR: Ghosting isn’t just rude — it’s confusing and destabilizing. Here’s how to spot the difference between someone genuinely busy and someone vanishing into the ether, with text examples that show 🚩 red flags vs ✅ green flags.
The Vanishing Act
You’re texting daily. Maybe even spent the night together. Then suddenly: radio silence. No explanation, no “I’ll be busy,” just an empty bubble where connection used to be.
“He didn’t just leave me on read. He left me on red — like a stoplight that never turned green.”
Why Ghosting Happens (Psych 101)
- Avoidant attachment: intimacy feels threatening; silence feels safer.
- Conflict avoidance: disappearing is easier than “I’m not interested.”
- Option overload: endless swipes create disposable mindsets.
- Immaturity: emotional accountability takes practice.
🚩 Red Flag Texts vs ✅ Green Flag Texts
🚩 Red: “hey sorry, been slammed.” (then nothing for a week)
🚩 Red: “we should hang soon” (no plan ever follows)
🚩 Red: one‑word replies: “lol” / “k” / “sure”
✅ Green: “This week is packed, but I’d love to see you next weekend. Can I text you Friday to confirm?”
✅ Green: “Not ignoring you — I’m buried. FaceTime Sunday?”
✅ Green: “Can’t talk now. I’ll call tomorrow.” (and they do)
How to Respond (Scripts)
Clean check‑in: “Hey, haven’t heard from you — hope you’re good. If you’re not feeling this, no hard feelings.”
Boundary: “Silence makes me disconnect. If you want to reconnect later, call me — not midnight DMs.”
When to Walk Away
- It’s been 7+ days of silence after you reached out.
- The pattern is consistently hot‑and‑cold.
- You feel more anxious waiting than happy connecting.